(Photo by Cpl. Robert Yde, 2-1 Cav. Public Affairs)
3… 2…1…Happy New Year!
Soldiers at Forward Operating Base Prosperity ring in the New Year at the ‘Black Jack Bistro.’ Troops gathered at the bistro, listened to the 1st Cavalry Division Band, and then counted down the last seconds of 2006.
Today I am posting, for all to see… (and to laugh at) … my New Year’s Resolutions! I know … this is supposed to be posted New Year’s Day and one day I might add something about curbing my procrastination … maybe next year. I am not quitting my bad habits cold turkey. I need to edge into this gradually…
Here goes… My Unofficial list of Resolutions (my attorney has reviewed … and I will not be held liable for posting … however … there is a chance that I can be held in contempt … of good taste!)
1.) I vow to be a nicer person… in general. I mean, I am already such a sweetie… (Mr. J… hush … what they don’t know … they don’t need to know!) I am serious. I will no longer blurt out obscenities to the “fat-head” who steals my parking place. I will need to practice deep breathing rituals for this. I will no longer slander the mental-micro-midget I share space with in the office. For his ignoramus bull-poopie of a brain, will no longer have the same effect… I will need Zoloft to accomplish this feat… But, I can do it! I will no longer talk trash about those who are not around to defend their Fa-ducking… Par-shuckity… Turtle-terd of an image.
WHAT??? I said I needed some time to work into my resolutions… This cannot be accomplished overnight… I am, contrary to popular belief… ONLY HUMAN!!
2.) I vow to be a better driver! Although, I am not sure what the term means. (I only added this one, because my hubby asked me to.) I suppose it means, I should not flip people off… Oh, this reminds me of a funny…. Last week, a twit cut me off at a busy intersection … and then she had the nerve to show me her ever-so-lady-like middle finger. I was in an unusual good mood and I did not return the favor. Instead, I blew her a kiss! I swear, it was an honest to goodness kiss… I don’t know why I did it… It just felt like the thing to do. The woman busted out laughing… and waved (in a more friendly manner) and we went our separate ways.
Back to the need to curb my over zealous driving habits… Whatever! (ok, I will try…)
3.) I vow to eat healthier. I know this resolution will be my undoing. For I have discovered the wonders of chocolate, in so many forms! And, the very thought of pasta with a creamy sauce, or homemade gravy ladled over real mashed potatoes (Oh and don’t forget the pat or two of butter!) Gosh … and then there are the many uses of cream cheese! I love broccoli – smothered in cheddar cheese sauce. And I can switch to carrot sticks – dipped in ranch dressing! Or perhaps celery sticks – filled with cheese spread!
Do you see my dilemma? Healthy eating will be torture to my delicate system. I am suggesting an intervention… Or perhaps someone should graciously knock me out cold, hook an IV to me and wake me back up when the detox shock is over.
4.) I vow to send out more letters and care packages! I come down hard on David for not keeping in touch very well. Yet, we both know that I am no better. I suppose it is assumed that we know that the love is there. Yet, here it is, for all to see… I will be more diligent about the letter writing!
Alrighty Son, the letter is in the mail (I swear) … go ahead and pick up the phone. I’ll wait!
I am in the planning stage of a big package drive… The added stress might put a slight damper on resolutions 1-3. I think I can work thru it!
5.) I vow to… Oh heck … the first four will be hard enough…
I am not a saint (nor do I play one on TV)
Lets see if I can ease into any of these … without causing serious harm to my delicate mental system.
Wish me luck … and please try to avoid me while I work on my issues!