A Challenge to My Yankee Friends

We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South, 
and we challenge any so-called "smart" Yankee to take this exam:
(OK, I am a transplant from the North… But, I gained a quick 
education with my move down South!)
 
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will 
support a 10-pound possum.
 
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks
in your front yard?        
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane ( B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle (C) '64 Pontiac GTO.
 
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of 
shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense 
the product?
 
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. 
The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. 
The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. 
How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
 
5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pines on 24-inch centers with a 
field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet.  
The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, 
how many dogs will be killed?
 
6. A man owns a Georgia house and 37 acres of land in a hollow 
with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can 
each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land 
and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
 
7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep 
slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average 
traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will 
strike a vehicle with a muffler?
 
8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will 
it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a 
country-western singer?
 
As an added bonus for taking this challenge, here's some Southern 
advice that may come in handy down the road a piece:
 
Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and
place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.
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2 Responses to A Challenge to My Yankee Friends

  1. DNR says:

    1 – roughly the diameter of his tail at the base
    2 – A
    3 – 3
    4 – one case per man per hour
    5 – none – all the dogs are helping clean the empties on the 2.7 acres
    6 – on 37 acres?! OH HELL Ya!!
    7 – VA, TN, KY or WV 0%, NC 15%, SC or GA 45%
    8 – 5 years after a blue moon occurs in July

    BAWhahahahah

  2. CavMom says:

    You iz couuuuuntry, (or could prolly fool sum a da locals)

    Where do I send your honorary “Proud ta be a Country Bumpkin” card?

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